Can Facebook Ruin Your Marriage?

Between texting, emails, Twitter, Facebook and all of the other technology we have adopted as part of our lives, marriages and relationships are facing a whole new slew of complications in 2012. This 'unchartered territory' is so new in our worlds that, a lot of times, we have not really sat down to lay out our boundaries or moral standards when it comes to these things. As a society, we are still feeling it out so the 'social rules' to social media have not yet been set. But beware because according to this article, updating your Facebook status could contribute to changing your marital status:


"Can Facebook Ruin Your Marriage?
ABC News Radio -- It turns out the kiss of death for marriages might be more like a poke. 
May 24, 2012

A third of all divorce filings in 2011 contained the word "Facebook," according to Divorce Online. And more than 80 percent of U.S. divorce attorneys say social networking in divorce proceedings is on the rise, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. 

Divorce lawyer Marian Rosen, who practices in Houston, said she's increasingly seen social media cited in divorce proceedings and child custody battles. 

"We've had instances where they pull up Facebook in the course of a deposition," Rosen told ABC News, adding that in addition to proving infidelity, she's seen cases in which children's profiles are cited as evidence to suggest bad parenting. "Once it's out there for the world, it's very difficult … to erase from the past. There are going to be trails that can be followed." 

Three years ago, 20 percent of divorce filings contained the word "Facebook." By 2011, it had risen to 33 percent, according to AAML. Despite the increase, the top Facebook mentions were the same: inappropriate messages to "friends" of the opposite sex, and cruel posts or comments between separated spouses. Sometimes, Facebook friends would tattle to one partner in a relationship about bad behavior by the other." 



This isn't to say that social media is a bad thing. Most of us enjoy catching up with old friends, browsing through pictures of family across the country or joining in a conversation about current events but it's how we use it that can create issues. Here are some guidelines that we teach at our Couples Retreat, Relationship BootCamp and with our coaching clients to help avoid a social media mishap in your marriage:

1. Profile picture portrayal: Choose a photo of you and your partner and/or family as your profile picture. This is the easiest way say "Hey, I'm taken."
2. Keep it public: Don't engage in private messaging with someone of the opposite sex. If there's nothing to hide you don't need to keep it between the two of you. This also goes for passwords. You shouldn't NEED to creep through your spouses Facebook or email, but you should have the ability to.
3. Laptop vs Lingerie: Don't invite your 800 Facebook friends into your bed with you. The glowing hue of your screen is not the sexiest lighting to set the mood or create a little romance in the bedroom. 
4. Face Time: Monitor how much time you spend on your social media. Your partner may begin to feel rejected or less important than your Twitter feed. Have real, old fashioned face to face conversations about what is going on in your lives. Communicating with your spouse is more important than knowing what your old high school teacher ate for lunch today.
5. Keep it PG: Monitor your emotional reactions when a co-worker 'likes' your picture or an old friend comments on your update. If it feels like flirting, it probably is. Being behind a screen often breaks our guard down and people often say things they would never say in person or in front of someone else. Be careful with this because these little strokes to the ego can often lead to more than just a 'poke' or a 'like'. 
6. Viral Venting: Your newsfeed should not be where your best friend finds out that you and your spouse had a huge fight last night and that you know think he/she is a complete moron! Do NOT bash your spouse or your relationship to your Twitter followers. Once it's out there, it's out there and you can never get it back. Confide in a friend, hire a relationship coach or attend a Relationship BootCamp to deal with the issue but don't go around bad-talking each other all over the world wide web, it's childish and humiliating for both of you.

If you are struggling in your relationship due to social media or anything else please visit us at www.RelationshipHelpCenters.com for more information about the Exclusive Couples Retreat and the Relationship BootCamp.