Ways You're Screwing Up Your Relationship

Alright ladies, this one's for you! We often like to look at our man when trying to figure out what's going wrong in our relationships. "He never listens." "He spends more time with his friends than with me." "He doesn't care about my opinion." But what about YOUR role in the relationship? Here are a few pointers to look at to help you take accountability for how you may be screwing up your relationship: 

Ways You’re Screwing Up Your Relationship

You expect him to read your mind

You want something (think: a romantic weekend away) and are peeved that your dude hasn’t guessed what thatsomething is. The rub: Unless he stares into a crystal ball for a living, you might want to get real and give him a clue. There’s no shame in being honest about what you want. What’s more, asking for something dramatically ups the odds that you’ll get it.

You talk all business -- no pleasure

With two busy lives, it’s easy for couples to fall into a conversation vortex. Between “What’s for dinner?” and “Did you pay the cable bill?” you can go days without just…shooting the breeze. Think about the chats you had when you were first dating (that is, dreams and goals, not groceries and dog walks) and strike up one of those.

                                                                                                                           

You fight dirty

Let’s be real. Everyone argues. Okay, fights. But some couples know how to do it sans damage. If you’re guilty of hitting below the belt (think: name calling or plate throwing), it’s time to cut it out. Starting to see red? Take a time-out. Go for a long walk, clear your head, and come back when you’re calm. Still can’t tame your temper? Loop in a pro -- a marriage and relationship counselor can teach you to fight right.

You keep score

If you mentally tally each of your partner’s infractions (texting through dinner -- check balled-up socks on floor -- check), it’s time to ask yourself why. The truth? You’re actually planning your next fight…in advance! Drop the scorecard. You and your man are on the same team, remember? So huddle up.

You drown him in advice

In an informal poll (cough, we asked our husbands, cough), guys unanimously said they wish we’d just listen more. Turns out, men need to vent their probs, just like we do. Which isn’t to say they want to hear solutions the second they pause for breath. In fact, sometimes (aka usually) they’d prefer a friendly “wow, that sucks, babe” over your three-pronged fix-it plan.

You put your relationship last

You have awesome intentions; no, really, you do. You’d love more one-on-one with your honey. You think about romantic dinners or weekend getaways -- but life always intervenes. Time to stop hoping and start doing. Pick up the phone and snag a res for his favorite steak house -- or take a sick day to spend between the sheets. Do something that shows where your priorities really lie.

You talk smack about his family

Does it help to hear you’re not alone? In-laws bug. The end. That said, even if they are daytime-talk-show material, it’s time to zip that lip. Complain to your besty, complain to your shrink, but don’t complain to your man. Even if he agrees with every word you say, it’s bound to cause stress and strife.

You think you’re too cool for date night

Think a preplanned date night is a shortcut to loserville? Riddle me this, hipster, when’s the last time you and your honey had a truly great date? M-kay…we get it, you crave spontaneity and think planning isn’t sexy. But here’s a thought, once you’re actually on one, all you’ll notice is how much fun you are having being out (or in). We doubt you’ll care if it was booked a month in advance.

You keep financial secrets

Relax; he may not need to know the price of every pair of shoes. But if you have secret credit card debt or a rotten FICO score, it’s time to tell on yourself. A recent poll said that nearly one in three American couples with combined finances admitted to so-called financial infidelity (that is, lying about money). Yikes! By being an open book now, it will be easier to stay honest down the road.

(Portions taken from TheNest.com, "13 Ways You're Screwing Up Your Relationship" by Hallie Goodman, July 26, 2011, http://ideas.thenest.com/love-and-sex-advice/dealing-with-relationship-issues/slideshows/ways-youre-screwing-up-your-relationship.aspx?page=2)