No? Then why do we often behave as if they are?
How will they know what you want if you don't tell them? Are your expectations leaving you hurt and disappointed? Maybe you feel like you've told them what you want a million times... or that it's less 'romantic' if you have to ask for what you want?!? Here are a few things for you to consider:
1) Maybe your partner feels like YOU don't give them what THEY want either, but you think you are fulfilling their every need.
2) It may be the way you are 'asking' for what you want. Do they get defensive? Or misunderstand? They may feel attacked or inadequate because they aren't fulfilling your 'demands'.
3) Have you shut down the lines of communication? Stopped 'bothering' to talk about it because, really, what's the point?
If any of these points comes close to describing how you're feeling or the situation you're in, this is a really great exercise to try. This is a great way to share with your partner what you truly DESIRE in your relationship. What if you could truly have a fulfilling and healthy relationship? What if you could share your desires with your partner? What if you could really fulfill their desires? That is what relationships are all about.
For this assignment please do two things: 1) set aside time to ask your spouse these question, and then 2) really LISTEN to your spouse’s response. Assuming you “know” what they think and feel will lead to disaster! Even if it is with a grain of salt, LISTEN as your spouse explains to you what life is like–in their world…in their thoughts…in their feelings–because there are TWO of you in this marriage (not just you and what you expect).
So first, read over the questions and organize your own answers honestly and thoroughly. Be transparent so that your spouse sees the True You…but also please don’t forget to be kind. Second, one of you answer all of the questions, one-at-a-time, out loud. While one of you is answering, the other should only listen or ask clarifying questions. Then switch roles and the second spouse answers all of the questions, one-at-a-time, out loud…and while he/she is answering, the other should only listen or ask clarifying questions.
Here are the questions (from “Getting to Know Your Spouse Better” by Brent A. Barlow on the Family Dynamics Institute website) :
- In our marriage, I feel loved when you …
- In our marriage, I feel appreciated when you …
- In our marriage, I am happiest when …
- In our marriage, I am saddest when …
- In our marriage, I am angriest when …
- In our marriage, I would like more …
- In our marriage, I would like less …
- In our marriage, I feel awkward when …
- In our marriage, I feel uneasy when …
- In our marriage, I feel excited when …
- In our marriage, I feel close to you when …
- In our marriage, I feel distant from you when …
- In our marriage, I feel most afraid when …
- My greatest concern/fear about our marriage is …
- What I like most about myself is …
- What I dislike most about myself is …
- The feelings that I have the most difficulty sharing with you are …
- The feelings that I can share most easily with you are …
- Our marriage could be greatly improved with just a little effort if we …
- The one thing in our marriage that needs the most immediate attention is …
- The best thing about our marriage is …
Portions of this article taken from the http://affaircare.com/ website, February 6, 2012
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