Relationship Relapse- Are You At Risk?- Part 1

Moving Forward- How to Avoid a Relationship Relapse

Part 1

After a Relationship BootCamp or Exclusive Couples Retreat, we always encourage couples and singles to continue their growth through coaching, volunteering, small groups and accountability partners because there is such a high risk of relapsing into our old ways. We are creatures of habit and are constantly wanting to fall back into our comfort zones. It's in our nature to take the path of least resistance... the easy way out. If this weren't true, the personal training industry would be dead. We want to grow, change, evolve, but it takes work and when push comes to shove, reverting to our old ways often feels easier. However, the downfall is when we relapse into our old ways, we end up with our old results, leaving us with feelings of disappointment, shame, anger and bitterness. These are all a part of living below the line and lead us right back to where we started: UNHAPPY!

If you've attended the Relationship BootCamp or the Exclusive Couples Retreat, you know how much energy you invested into your growth and you want to take that to the next level. But in order to move forward to the next level, you must first master the gains you've made so that you don't relapse.

Relapse: to suffer deterioration after a period of improvement, to return to a less active or worse state


So how do you hold on to what you've gained and avoid a relationship relapse? Hold on to what you've gained! Imagine each improvement as a step. Your steps may include things like being more open and vulnerable, spending more alone time with your partner or being more affectionate. Maybe you're working on your anger or intimacy issues. Whatever it is, each one is a step. If you try to run all the way up the steps and you trip, you will fall all the way back down to the bottom. Whereas if you take your time and learn each step, if, and when you trip (because you will, we all will), you will most likely only fall back one or two steps. When you land on that step, you will have already mastered it and be better prepared to move forward again, rather than being devastated that you have fallen back so far.

It's important to recognize the patterns that lead to relapse in order to stop yourself from falling backwards. Here are the 3 C's to be aware of:

1. COMPLACENCY: When we get comfortable with the short-term gains we have made and stop working towards what we really want. 
2. CONFUSION: When we rationalize and tend to 'forget' how bad it really was down there. 
3. COMPROMISE: When we think we are strong enough and start putting ourselves back into situations where we are tempted to fall backwards. 

Take a moment to really recognize where you are at in your growth. Give yourself credit for how far you have come, but be aware of these 3 C's that will lead to a relationship relapse. 

BE, DO, HAVE

BE committed to DO what it takes to HAVE what you want!

If you would like to speak with one of our coaches or register for one of our 4 Day Intensive programs please contact us at 1.866.322.6862 or visit our website for more info www.RelationshipHelpCenters.com 








This blog was inspired by a message from Pastor Dave Koop at CoastalChurch.org, Sunday, May 6, 2012. 

A Laugh A Day Keeps More Than The Doctor Away

Want more energy, joy and health in your life? Laughter truly is one of the best medicines. There are no crazy side-effects to worry about, it's all-natural, completely organic, gluten & lactose free and it doesn't cost a penny! There are amazing emotional, mental, physical and social benefits to laughing and all it takes is making a little effort to take time in your day to enjoy yourself and have a little giggle, chuckle or a full-blown belly howl. 

Laughter is the Best Medicine

THE HEALTH BENEFITS OF HUMOR AND LAUGHTER

Humor is infectious. The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. In addition to the domino effect of joy and amusement, laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body. Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress. Best of all, this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use.

Laughter is strong medicine for mind and body

“Your sense of humor is one of the most powerful tools you have to make certain that your daily mood and emotional state support good health.”

~ Paul E. McGhee, Ph.D.

Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.

With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems, enhancing your relationships, and supporting both physical and emotional health.

Laughter is good for your health

• Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
• Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
• Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
• Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

The Benefits of Laughter
Physical Health Benefits: Boosts immunity Lowers stress hormones Decreases pain Relaxes your muscles Prevents heart disease	Mental Health Benefits: Adds joy and zest to life Eases anxiety and fear Relieves stress Improves mood Enhances resilience	Social Benefits: Strengthens relationships Attracts others to us Enhances teamwork Helps defuse conflict Promotes group bonding

Laughter and humor help you stay emotionally healthy

Laughter makes you feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps you keep a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss.

More than just a respite from sadness and pain, laughter gives you the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh–or even simply a smile–can go a long way toward making you feel better. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing laughter primes your brain and readies you to smile and join in the fun.

The link between laughter and mental health

• Laughter dissolves distressing emotions. You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing.
• Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more.
• Humor shifts perspective, allowing you to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light. A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed.

The social benefits of humor and laughter

Humor and playful communication strengthen our relationships by triggering positive feelings and fostering emotional connection. When we laugh with one another, a positive bond is created. This bond acts as a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, and disappointment.

Laughing with others is more powerful than laughing alone

Creating opportunities to laugh

• Watch a funny movie or TV show.
• Go to a comedy club.
• Read the funny pages.
• Seek out funny people.
• Share a good joke or a funny story.
• Check out your bookstore’s humor section.
• Host game night with friends.
• Play with a pet.
• Go to a “laughter yoga” class.
• Goof around with children.
• Do something silly.
• Make time for fun activities (e.g. bowling, miniature golfing, karaoke).

Shared laughter is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds, but sharing laughter and play also adds joy, vitality, and resilience. And humor is a powerful and effective way to heal resentments, disagreements, and hurts. Laughter unites people during difficult times.

Incorporating more humor and play into your daily interactions can improve the quality of your love relationships— as well as your connections with co-workers, family members, and friends. Using humor and laughter in relationships allows you to:

• Be more spontaneous. Humor gets you out of your head and away from your troubles.
• Let go of defensiveness. Laughter helps you forget judgments, criticisms, and doubts.
• Release inhibitions. Your fear of holding back and holding on are set aside.
• Express your true feelings. Deeply felt emotions are allowed to rise to the surface.

Bringing more humor and laughter into your life

Want to bring the fun? Get a pet…

Most of us have experienced the joy of playing with a furry friend, and pets are a rewarding way to bring more laughter and joy into your life. But did you know that having a pet is also good for your mental and physical health? Studies show that pets can protect you depression, stress, and even heart disease.

Laughter is your birthright, a natural part of life that is innate and inborn. Infants begin smiling during the first weeks of life and laugh out loud within months of being born. Even if you did not grow up in a household where laughter was a common sound, you can learn to laugh at any stage of life.

Begin by setting aside special times to seek out humor and laughter, as you might with working out, and build from there. Eventually, you’ll want to incorporate humor and laughter into the fabric of your life, finding it naturally in everything you do.

Here are some ways to start:

• Smile. Smiling is the beginning of laughter. Like laughter, it’s contagious. Pioneers in “laugh therapy,” find it’s possible to laugh without even experiencing a funny event. The same holds for smiling. When you look at someone or see something even mildly pleasing, practice smiling.
• Count your blessings. Literally make a list. The simple act of considering the good things in your life will distance you from negative thoughts that are a barrier to humor and laughter. When you’re in a state of sadness, you have further to travel to get to humor and laughter.
• When you hear laughter, move toward it. Sometimes humor and laughter are private, a shared joke among a small group, but usually not. More often, people are very happy to share something funny because it gives them an opportunity to laugh again and feed off the humor you find in it. When you hear laughter, seek it out and ask, “What’s funny?”
• Spend time with fun, playful people. These are people who laugh easily–both at themselves and at life’s absurdities–and who routinely find the humor in everyday events. Their playful point of view and laughter are contagious.
• Bring humor into conversations. Ask people, “What’s the funniest thing that happened to you today? This week? In your life?”

Developing your sense of humor: Take yourself less seriously

One essential characteristic that helps us laugh is not taking ourselves too seriously. We’ve all known the classic tight-jawed sourpuss who takes everything with deathly seriousness and never laughs at anything. No fun there!

Some events are clearly sad and not occasions for laughter. But most events in life don’t carry an overwhelming sense of either sadness or delight. They fall into the gray zone of ordinary life–giving you the choice to laugh or not.

Ways to help yourself see the lighter side of life:

• Laugh at yourself. Share your embarrassing moments. The best way to take yourself less seriously is to talk about times when you took yourself too seriously.
• Attempt to laugh at situations rather than bemoan them. Look for the humor in a bad situation, and uncover the irony and absurdity of life. This will help improve your mood and the mood of those around you.
• Surround yourself with reminders to lighten up. Keep a toy on your desk or in your car. Put up a funny poster in your office. Choose a computer screensaver that makes you laugh. Frame photos of you and your family or friends having fun.
• Keep things in perspective. Many things in life are beyond your control—particularly the behavior of other people. While you might think taking the weight of the world on your shoulders is admirable, in the long run it’s unrealistic, unproductive, unhealthy, and even egotistical.
• Deal with your stress. Stress is a major impediment to humor and laughter.
• Pay attention to children and emulate them. They are the experts on playing, taking life lightly, and laughing.

Checklist for lightening up

When you find yourself taken over by what seems to be a horrible problem, ask these questions:

• Is it really worth getting upset over?
• Is it worth upsetting others?
• Is it that important?

• Is it that bad?
• Is the situation irreparable?
• Is it really your problem?

Using humor and play to overcome challenges and enhance your life

The ability to laugh, play, and have fun with others not only makes life more enjoyable but also helps you solve problems, connect with others, and be more creative. People who incorporate humor and play into their daily lives find that it renews them and all of their relationships.

Life brings challenges that can either get the best of you or become playthings for your imagination. When you “become the problem” and take yourself too seriously, it can be hard to think outside the box and find new solutions. But when you play with the problem, you can often transform it into an opportunity for creative learning.

Playing with problems seems to come naturally to children. When they are confused or afraid, they make their problems into a game, giving them a sense of control and an opportunity to experiment with new solutions. Interacting with others in playful ways helps you retain this creative ability.

Here are two examples of people who took everyday problems and turned them around through laughter and play:

Roy, a semi-retired businessman, was excited to finally have time to devote to golf, his favorite sport. But the more he played, the less he enjoyed himself. Although his game had improved dramatically, he got angry with himself over every mistake. Roy wisely realized that his golfing buddies affected his attitude, so he stopped playing with people who took the game too seriously. When he played with friends who focused more on having fun than on their scores, he was less critical of himself. Now golfing was as enjoyable as Roy hoped it would be. He scored better without working harder. And the brighter outlook he was getting from his companions and the game spread to other parts of his life, including his work.

Jane worked at home designing greeting cards, a job she used to love but now felt had become routine. Two little girls who loved to draw and paint lived next door. Eventually, Jane invited the girls in to play with all the art supplies she had. At first, she just watched, but in time she joined in. Laughing, coloring, and playing pretend with the little girls transformed Jane’s life. Not only did playing with them end her loneliness and mild boredom, it sparked her imagination and helped her artwork flourish. Best of all, it rekindled the playfulness and spark in Jane’s relationship with her husband.

As laughter, humor, and play become an integrated part of your life, your creativity will flourish and new discoveries for playing with friends, coworkers, acquaintances, and loved ones will occur to you daily. Humor takes you to a higher place where you can view the world from a more relaxed, positive, creative, joyful, and balanced perspective
.

Article taken from http://www.helpguide.org/life/humor_laughter_health.htm on Wednesday April 18, 2012

For more tips on marriage, relationships, health and Living Above the Line visit us at www.marriagehelpcenters.com and receive a free 30 minute coaching call. 

Make Love Your Lifestyle

People talk about falling in love, losing at love and looking for love. What if you could have a more permanent living arrangement with love that was not dependent on another person?

This means making love into a lifestyle rather than a life event.  And it has great personal benefits. According to Carol McCloud, author of Have You Filled A Bucket Today?, those “who learn to express kindness and love lead happier lives.” What if you were to incorporate a caring attitude and made a genuine effort to show value towards others every day?

Here are 10 sure-fire ways to make love into a lifestyle:

1. Express gratitude every day! By being thankful, you train yourself to look at the positive things in your life and appreciate their value. Thanking someone for what they have done or for who they are not only boosts your levels of happiness…but lifts the other person’s happiness too! Gratitude is always appreciated whether it is spoken or written in a special note!
2. Listen like a real friend! Rather than giving advice, give people an ear. Instead of just hearing a person’s words, put yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. Empathy is difficult at first, but it is a powerful skill that really transforms relationships.
3. Be first to apologize! There are times that you may say the wrong thing, forget to call when you said you would, carry a joke too far, or simply make an unintentional mistake. We all do it. As soon as you know that you have wronged someone, take responsibility for your actions and apologize!  Forgiveness and restoration create stronger bonds of trust.
4. Nurture relationships! Reach out to your loved ones for some quality time. Make a habit of inviting neighbors for dinner, having coffee with friends, or reading a book with your kids. Whatever it takes, especially in this digital age, create positive face-to-face experiences with others.
5. Express love verbally! Let people know you care about them. Your parents, partner, children, and family or friends want to know how much they mean to you. With a simple “I love you” or specific reasons why you admire them, you can make their day, their week, their month.  It can also be very contagious.
6. Be a giver for other’s sake! Your community needs a helping hand. Many lives are touched when volunteers step in. Send cards to sick kids through Hugs and Hope, shop online through a charity shopping portal such as Greater Good, find ways to volunteer online at CharityGuide.org. Other great organizations like the Union Gospel Mission in the Vancouver area http://www.ugm.ca/ or you can be a Training Assistant (TA) at the next Relationship BootCamp (BootCamp Dates) Find more ideas >>>
7. Learn to handle conflict! People deal with conflict differently. Some avoid it. Others look for someone to blame. And some people blow up at the situation. None of these are effective ways to handle conflict. In fact, most people need to learn effective ways to manage conflict in their relationships. Learn to manage conflict, communicate more effectively, and enrich your life by taking The Relationship BootCamp
8. Be the initiator! Grab your phone and call someone just to say “hello”.  Or text them to check in on how they’re doing.  Write an email to share your appreciation for someone you want to thank, cook a healthy meal for a friend, offer to babysit for a parent who needs a break, give hugs, bring home flowers, rub a loved one’s back, or bake a treat and take it to the office. Get creative with how you initiate love!
9. Learn from the past! During a time of grief, or desolation, it is highly important to see the silver lining. In fact, 70 to 80 percent of those that have lost a loved one express some benefit in their experience. A truly hard time can teach a valuable lesson. Take some time to reflect on what people in your past have taught you about love.
10. Love yourself! Make time for yourself. Learn to unwind and relax. Accept yourself for who you are. Make new goals and go after them. Do things that lift you up, that builds your self-esteem, and boosts your own happiness.

Carrying out a lifestyle of love opens up new possibilities and potentially happy outcomes. Looking for ways to find happiness and connection boosts that positive energy we all need on those gloomy days.

Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to show we care to the ones we love, it’s about reducing our limits when reaching out to others and giving them a hand—a bit of our attention, some of our time, and an extra slice of effort.

Use Valentine’s Day, the day of love, to kick start your new lifestyle of showing love and appreciation!

What ideas do you have to make love a lifestyle? How do you show your loved ones you care?

Keep the Love Alive in Your Life:

• Good Read for the Family: Growing Up with a Bucket Full of Happiness: Three Rules for a Happier Life >>>
• Read: 5 Selfish Reasons to Give Thanks To Others >>>
• Learn effective communication skills at Relationship BootCamp

Written by Lucinda Loveland – Copyright (C) 2011 Healthy Relationships California

Simple Strategies of the Happy Couple

This is a great article with some simple, down-to-earth tips about how to have a healthier relationship!

Smart Strategies

"Why do some couples seem so head-over-heels? It's not that their lives are any easier or more perfect than yours-- but they do know how to keep the daily grind from eroding their relationship. Get some of what they have by incorporating these happy-couple strategies into your love life.

1. Fall in love all over again. Make a conscious decision to be in love. The more you act as if you are in love, the more you will feel like you are.

2. Remember the good times. Treat your partner like you did at the beginning of your relationship. Make a list of all the things you used to enjoy doing together and add any new fantasies to the list. Plan for them and make them happen.

3. Help your partner feel more loved and secure in your love so that he or she can open up to you and express feelings and ideas without fear of being attacked or judged. Compliment, praise, give a hug. Small gestures make the grandest statements.

4. Don't make unilateral decisions. You're a team in many ways, so act like one. Check in and make decisions together about things large and small. Be willing to compromise.

5. Be present. Train your mind to stay in the moment -- not at work, thinking about the new color you want to paint your kitchen, or how it's time to take the dog to the vet.

6. Pay attention to your physical appearance. Take the time to stay in shape and look good for each other. It does matter.

7. Boost your compatibility. Couples in crisis focus on all the ways they are different, whereas those who are in love zero in on their similarities and think their differences are cute. Build compatibility by taking turns planning activities to do together. If you don't like your partner's choice, don't complain; it's your turn next.

8. Do not place blame. Replace blame and criticism with solutions and tenderness. Problem-solve together -- sit close, hold hands, touch each other's face or hair. Be playful. When was the last time you laughed together? Rent a comedy movie to tickle your funny bone.

9. Plan for sex. Spontaneity is great but smart couples know that good sex doesn't just happen. Like everything else, it takes time and planning.

10. Fact-find -- don't mind-read. You may think you know but you can't assume. You may believe he should know, but that's not fair, either. Always clear up misinterpretations and misunderstandings to make sure they don't throw you both off course.

11. Fight fair -- and by appointment only. Schedule a limited time to discuss a problem and confine your comments to that issue only. It's easier to relax and feel free to enjoy each other when you know you won't be ambushed by a litany of complaints and criticisms.

12. Prepare for checkouts. Even in the closest marriage, everyone needs time alone. Don't take it personally and don't make each other feel guilty if you need to spiritually and emotionally regroup. Just be sure to tell each other when you are checking out (max, one day) -- and when you're checking back in."

Article From :

http://www.lhj.com/relationships/marriage/basics/secrets-of-super-happy-couples/?page=2 

December 5, 2011

For information on our Relationship BootCamp go to www.MarriageHelpCenters.com 

Bring the "FUN" Back in Your Relationship!

Fun Activities for Couples to Do: Indoor Activities That Bring Couples Closer Together

By Kathryn Vercillo

Couples who live together often fall into a rut because of the familiarity of their routine. The only way that they know to shake themselves out of that rut is to get outdoors and do something fun together. Unfortunately there are a lot of times during life when you just don't want to be outdoors - whether that's because of inclement weather or just that neither of you feels like leaving the house. So how can you avoid just settling into a boring old routine indoors? Take a look at these indoor couples activities that are designed to bring couples together instead of making them feel trapped with one another.

Indoor Activities at Home

Do you find that the only thing that you and your significant other really ever do together at home is watch TV? If so, you're probably going to get really bored really fast. Here are some other indoor couples activities that you can do at home to keep life a little more interesting with one another:

• Play board games. Couples that have fun together are couples that are happy together. Board games and card games keep you interacting with one another but give you something to do so you're not just "hanging out". Find a variety of different games from trivia to strategy to the childhood games of your past to enjoy together when you're hanging out indoors.
• Cook together. Go online together and find recipes for new things that you've never tried to make at home before. Get the groceries and get together in the kitchen without a lot of distractions. The act of cooking and dining together is intimate and offers a fun activity that will bring you both closer together.
• Video games. One or both people in a couple may play video games on their own but it's a lot more enjoyable if you play them together. Choose games where you can team up against others or find ones where you can battle each other. Again, it's all about having fun.
• Indoor exercise. Find exercises that you can do together - such as passing the medicine ball back and forth. You'll get your heart rate going and feel the endorphins start coursing through you, something that's a lot more fun with apartner than it is alone.
• Make couples art or make music. Being creative together is a great way to really enhance the relationship. Find something that you both like to do whether it's picking at a guitar or making collages out of old magazine images.
• Home improvements. Couples that live together can come together by finding ways to improve the home they share. Create a list of projects that you would like to work on and start checking things off of the list one by one. Working together to create a home is a great way to spend time with someone else.
• Throw brunches, dinner parties and movie nights. If you want to be social together as a couple but don't want to leave the house then make your house the setting of all of the fun. Do these weekly or monthly to get a routine going that's all about fun instead of boring habits.
• Make life lists. A life list is when you sit down and brainstorm all of the things that you've never done which you'd like to do before you die. Things on the list can be as mundane as "make a cake from scratch" or as wild as "visit every national park in the country". Make your life lists separately and then share them; you'll be amazed how much you find out about each other.
• Surf the web. The Internet doesn't have to be something in your home that alienates you from one another. Sit down in front of the computer together and watch funny videos, read interesting articles and share ideas about what you read. It's far more interactive than just watching TV and keeps both of you from being bored together.
• Picnic indoors. If you're both feeling like just laying down and watching a movie together, do it with some romance. Put together a wine and cheese picnic basket, spread a blanket out on the floor together and get ready to have a better-than-normal evening of watching the tube. This is one of the top couples activities for romance!

Indoor Activities Away from Home

Of course, sometimes the only reason that you don't want to be outdoors is because the weather is gross. During these times, you can go to other indoor locations with your partner. A couples retreat can be the perfect way to spend some romantic time together. Here are some ideas:

• Dress up and go to a movie. Dressing up is important because it makes it more of a real date than when you normally just head out to a movie together.
• Go gaming. If there's a casino in your local area then you can have some indoor fun together there.
• Go to a spa or local hot tubs. Get away together into relaxation and get that chill of the icky weather out of your bones. A couples spa is a great couples retreat.
• Check out a local museum or art gallery. You can learn something together and share an experience that you don't take the time to enjoy nearly often enough. This is a great local couples retreat.
• Visit friends or family. Sometimes hanging out with others is the best way to be together. Ask someone in the family to host a spontaneous potluck on a rainy afternoon.
• Take a class together. An art class, an improv comedy class or a cooking class can bring the two of you closer together even as you meet others and learn something new.
• Go to an event that you've never been to before. Seeing something new together can brighten up even the dreariest of days. If you've never been to a poetry slam, the local ballet or a Broadway musical then get some tickets and go.

Of course, none of this means that you need to cancel your Netflix subscriptions and Sky TV packages. It just means you need to find additional ways to have fun at home together too. The real goal to keep in mind when trying to find things to do with your significant other is that you have to always aim to be creative and different. Comfortable is great but it can get boring if you're not careful. Don't let yourselves fall into a rut that you won't be able to get out of.

From: 

http://kathrynvercillo.hubpages.com/hub/Indoor-Activities-That-Bring-Couples-Closer-Together

November 21, 2011